From the moment I entered this world, it felt like I was born with a target painted on my back, a magnet for desires and impulses that I couldn’t always control.
After 24 years of battling with my emotions, I now look forward to receiving urges.
That’s absurd you might say.
But let me explain.
Urges usually arise when we are trying to avoid a certain feeling hence the term escapism.
Escapism is when a person routinely uses an activity or behavior to escape life's realities. It is a way of distracting the mind. Examples include social media, substance use, or playing games to avoid thinking about or facing something else, such as a relationship conflict or traumatic situations or memories.
When we choose to escape by doing something more “pleasurable” (like indulging in our addiction), our brains release dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel happy.
This is why escapism feels so good, at least in the short term. The issue, however, is that the effects of dopamine are fleeting, while the problems resulting from escapism may be long-lasting.
It is human nature to avoid pain and seek pleasure. By adopting the Rosenberg Reset approach, I’ve learned to navigate 99% of my urges and master my emotional landscape.
The Rosenberg reset
As opposed to escapism, lean into the 'bad' emotions.
There no bad feelings just unpleasant feelings
What we feel emotionally is felt in the body first as a physical sensation. (We try to run away from these feelings)
Those feelings tend to trigger undesirable physical effects we all dread; hot red cheeks, a flushed neck or a churning stomach.
The approach unfolds in three stages:
1 choice - Confronted with emotions, we face a decision: awareness or avoidance. Awareness is the wiser path, as avoidance is merely a temporary fix.
8 feelings-Anger, sadness, shame, helplessness, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration and vulnerability.
90 seconds- We usually experience one feeling at a time hence, All you need to do is to tolerate your bodily sensations to be able to stay more present to the feeling itself. The biochemicals flush out of the blood steam in roughly 90 seconds.
This might seem difficult at first, the key is that you keep persisting with the Rosenberg Reset. Dr. Joan Rosenberg compares it to learning how to swim. It’s a skill - you don’t give up after one trial.
Dr. Joan’s book asserts: “Confidence develops when you have the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you pursue.”
“The more you are able to face the pain you experience, the more capable you become.”
“We cannot, in a moment, get rid of habits of a lifetime.”
So we have to remember that it’s a practice to continue to choose strategies that help us make new habits that are healthier for us and create relationships we want.